so, i've been super busy lately with working on 2 cosplays for Anime Boston 2014 in March. I'm also entered into the Hall Cosplay Contest; which I have mixed emotions about. I entered last year and I was really proud of what I did with Zidane and Gilgamesh, but we didn't win. It was still super fun to compete, but still raised the question of why? more like: what did so-n-so do that got them those extra points? what can I do for next time? what did I not do? doubt, doubt, doubt....
This year I'm competing again, but I've looked at a couple tips about cosplay competing. so hopefully I can get my shit together and at least present it better. But as I am getting closer and closer to my deadline, I'm getting worried. That things aren't good enough. That things will get caught in something, rip off, come apart, get ruined..all that fun stuff.. before I get judged. and I'll most likely have a breakdown of pissy sadness.
I know it seems like I'm being a whiny bitch about wanting to win so bad...but.. it's a competition. yes, it's fun... yes you get to try your hardest and get better at your skill...but it's a competition and you go in it to win. but it just feels that I just want recognition for things I do. I feel I don't get that. with anything really...with my drawing, sewing, cosplay, or other arts/crafts I do.
but anywho, it's why I haven't been submitting much of anything lately. To be honest, I really haven't been drawing much AT ALL!! which is depressing. because it brings up the question of what I want to do with my life. What art form do I want to do...(and I think I've made a complete rand on this topic before)? And I just don't know. I. Don't. Know.
I don't know what I'm looking for. I just really want am art friend that will give me hugs when I'm down like this and then smack me in the face to tell me I'm being a dumb bitch. I want someone to hang out with - to draw with, to sew with, make cosplays together.. but nobody lives near me.
I've met some really artsy people by being in the SCA, but it's not in the style of artwork that I wanted to do.. and there is a huge age gap where it it feels a little uncomfortable for me to just 'hang' out with. they're super nice people and i love seeing them, but it's not like they're into anime/manga or things that I'm into. So there's that connection lost. It also doesn't help when they live far away and its a bit inconvenient to drive an hour or more away.
I'm gonna stop ranting now... so yeah. i just don't know what I'm looking for. I'm just kinda going along, lost. been kinda wandering around for a while and i'm just getting tired of going around in circles, not progressing.. so i've just been sitting here. in place. not doing anything about it and waiting for someone to come help me. when i feel like i've been trying to ask for some help or the slightest attention and i get ignored...so i give up trying to look to others for help and try again on my own, just to keep going round in circles. then i give up on myself and try looking to others again... and still get ignored.. it's a viscous endless circle i've been in for quite a while. and it sucks.